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A long time done. Age of 25 years. The world expects me to be wise and mature. All until they look at me. They then think, this is a petite figure. A small one. She cant be that wise. I then speak in opposition. They are taken aback. By the strength of my voice and the demand for the power. There must be a mistake they think. How can this small a thing of a weaker specimen called female be this demanding. Is it not arrogance ?
Yes it must be, for how can a girl speak against them like this. For how can a girl think something that they have not, irrespective of whether it is right or wrong? No it is not possible. A girl must be at home, cooking keeping things neat,working her way through life for her betterment and the betterment of her man.But no the fact that she does not live that way is not accepted.
It is a lot of struggle for one like me to retain my character and thoughts amongst all that, all that drives me to think otherwise that I must succumb myself to the rules of the world and think like how everyone else has. I do not realise how far this struggle has gone until I realise that I have completely lost track of what I was fighting for, myself.
I stood then in search of a path and a way back to find that lost me, to find some lost happiness, to find a smile atleast. Me refusing to look at things at thoughts that put me in this state turned into arrogance. I walked and walked, not forward but backward in search of a time when life was about being yourself and you knew people who knew YOU.
It took me days and months to reach to a place where i realised, I realised that everything that made me me was what happened. It was not one moment, not one time but my whole life that has made me what I am today. And if I am to go back to one moment I never would be able to. Never be able to find that one moment which may change this day that I face. Never be the same way.
That realisation is what changed my perception of everything around me. What has done has been done. To change what is in today I cannot go back and see where I went wrong. To change what is in today, I must change today. To change what is in this moment I must change this moment. Possible ?....tough....terribly tough...it s like pulling your steel vein and deforming it into a straight line. Mentally painful but possible.....

A course has now begun. In a path different than what I took before. I like it for it is new and unexplored. With the experience and faith in myself, I believe the best of everything will happen always. A new year and something must have gone right when I was asleep, for things are turning now.... And it is time to stop checking the waters and start swimming !!

A happy and fresh new year to all !!

Comments

  1. Deepak Manoharan4 May 2011 at 03:17

    All the very best for the new route that you have taken or the new path that you have found. Every path will have roses and thorns in it but be careful to pick which one and stamp over which. Dont care for what others think and dont bother about what others talk ! Be wat you are and you will get to your destination.

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