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Fine...? !!

She asks me if I am fine.
I force my lips to a curve and say, 'Ya, I am great. How about you?'
She begins her stories about her life so filling yet all the small little misfits.
But my mind has already drifted to the deep treacherous pits.

 'Fine'. What is it?
If it is not crying myself to sleep every night, then yes I was fine.
If it is being ok amidst people with dreams in their eyes, then yes I was fine. 
If it is about laughing at the jokes others crack, then yes I was absolutely fine. 
Why then did I have to fake, 'Ya, I am great. How about you?'

Every night closes yet another day. 
A day that started with 'why, oh why'.
I tried to stay busy with the things that don't matter.
Things that don't remind me of the pain & that take me farther.

 Each breathe, each day is a struggle.
A lie that tells you 'everything will be alright'.
Illusions too many, mirages plenty.
Where I am, as lost in the day as in the night.

 Blinded by the sands of memories,
I can't seem to rub them away. 
The more I fidget with my tears eyes,
the longer they seemed to stay.

 As the dreams came shattering down, 
only painful memories were spared.
Gone were the trust, faith and the strength to love.
All I wanted to do was run and never come back.

 Each step on the present was taken.
I ran, I scampered and had no sense of direction.
A step here, a hop there but I fell again.
I resolved to stand up but i was three steps behind again.

 Everyone was moving ahead.
Joys, smiles and happiness.
I was stuck in a loop.
I stand I fall, I stand I fall, I stand......
and I fall again. 

 It was sleep I wanted.
The one that wouldn't wake me.
the one where I could fly over the clouds.
And the one where I could see me.

 It isn't love or lust that I seek.
isn't fulfillment of the heart or body that I crave.
It is but a purpose that will make every moment fresh and new.
A purpose so that I no longer have to fake,'Ya, I am great. How about you?'.

Comments

  1. U.Radhika Raj16 July 2017 at 22:53

    there should be a stronger purpose u seek,
    god made u strong not weak.
    for,it isint u who chose to blame,
    i am sure u will stand up strong again.

    it may sound monotonous and lame.
    to listen to stuff again and again.
    u have overcome ur weakness and pain,
    god will not let your efforts go in vain.

    ReplyDelete

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